Addictions are a beast!!!
I was watching a video about military men returning home, the surprised look on their loved ones face as they seen their soldier for the first time gave me memories of when my dad would return home. Although as children we were told our dad was in the “military” or “on vacation”, in reality he was in a half way house, rehab or prison. As I struggle with addiction myself, and mess up on daily basis, I think of my dad. I am not sure if it was because his birthday recently passed or because sometimes I just feel completely alone as my extended family is a bit of a mess.
I think about how much he might have wanted to be there for me, or keep his promises about doing good this time because he found Jesus. I think about that one last high or drink of his that kept him from me. I am not bitter towards him, I just really wish he knew that I completely forgave him and I wish he could see the woman I have become. There was a family prophecy that all Larry’s kids would end up in gangs, in prison or dead. Even though I had a rough start in life, I have completely changed the way I think and how I feel about my purpose. One of the things he always told me was, “mija, you need to lose weight because I don’t want you to get the diabetes” (adding the in front of diabetes always made me laugh). Just like him, I didn’t know how to beat my addiction, just like him, no matter how many times I tried I always let myself down, just like him, I let the guilt and shame of my past control my future and control who I was meant to be.
If you are reading this and struggle with a food addiction, you are not alone. It is so important for me to tell you that if you feel you have tried for the last time, try again. Know that your life is precious, and no matter what people say to you, your life is worth saving. I say this all the time and it is so true, this journey is tough, the first step is the hardest, but the end result is definitely worth it! I had to let this out, sometimes things are heavy on my mind and I have to write or I feel like I have missed an opportunity to help someone. Never stop trying, always strive to be better than you were the day before and keep on keepin on:)
*if you ever have any question, please don’t hesitate to write me a note