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It’s that time again…

7 Sep

Yup, you guess it, my birthday is tomorrow (and Abby), every day since finding my purpose, I have been grateful for the day that my life was spared. Five years ago tomorrow, hours after the birth of my youngest daughter, my husband was told that I was not expected to make it through the night.  I truly believe that I was brought back to change my world, not just for my family, friends and community but for generations. For the past 3 years, I have asked those closest to me to do random acts of kindness on my birthday instead of gifts.This year in addition to random act of kindness, I am asking that you donate to Crossing Bridges Therapeutic Riding Center in Merlin, Oregon. They are in desperate need of a covered arena to keep riding lessons going during the summer and rainy season. Crossing Bridges not only helps Isaac, but several other children in the area who have special needs. If you are on facebook, please share my blog and challenge your friends and family to do random acts of kindness on this special day. In reality, we should always look for ways to be the change in the world, but people like to do extra special things to honor others. Please hashtag the word #randomactsofkindness2015 so I can see all the cool things that are happening on my birthday.

If you are financially able to give to Crossing Bridges I have set up a Crowdrise, my goal is $2000 but it would be an amazing miracle to raise the remaining balance for the center. The director of the program, Jennifer was hoping to build before its starts raining. I have hope that my faithful followers will help make this dream a reality, my faith is great because I have seen the impossible made possible.


My Ice Challenge…

9 Jul
The Blue Slide Project is in need of volunteers to build Grants Pass and Josephine County’s only all-inclusive playground. Meaning every child whether able or disabled can play on the same playground without any boundaries. My last challenge was a huge success, I lost 162 pounds and got several friends, family and strangers join me in my quest to be healthy. I figured since the last challenge was a big hit, I was try one last attempt and cry for help!
Here is my challenge, if I can get a crew set up for each weekend (so this means I hire 2 but no more than 4 and the rest volunteer) I will do a” Ice Challenge”. It will be different from all the videos posted on youtube because each person who volunteers will get to pour a bucket of ice water on me, not just one person. Today is Wednesday July 9, 2014 and I need a commitment for this weekend by Friday morning July, 11, 2014.. If you are a local business and want to hire a crew member ($123.92 per day per person) for the project that will count and your business will have public recognition.  Who is up for this challenge? 
I will be needing help starting
July 12-13 (install tiles) 
July 19-20 (install tiles) 
July 26-27 (install tiles) 
August 2-3 finishing touches

Our contractor said we can do split shifts now, so please email me with days and times you can work. 6 volunteers who can lift heavy tiles and equipment are needed, Water, snacks and lunch provided. We are towards the end of the project and can not afford to hire a full staff.

If you are interested in knowing more about the project visit or email me
As much as I don’t want to have freezing water poured on me, I hope it happens for the sake of the project.

Beautiful Tragedy…

15 Mar


    The last picture I took before the birth of my youngest daughter.

    I wrote a blog back in January titled “Layers”, sometimes I just write to clear my mind and other times there is a specific thing I feel I should write about to not only remind myself but to help others. I told you about my hysterectomy and how my life was almost taken after the birth of my youngest daughter. Last night I got to meet one of the nurses who had a hand in saving my life and it was the most amazing experience. Two separate lives that were both impacted by this beautiful tragedy, two lives that were forever changed because of the power of prayer. 

    I struggled with my purpose in life after that day, I remember feeling like God was picking on me and how much I resented him for bringing me back. In my mind I feel like I was so angry because I got a glimpse of heaven and wondered why I needed to come back to such a dark and hateful world (I don’t remember anything about that day other than passing out and waking up). One painful heart ache after another is all I ever thought life would be and it was all I have ever known, I stayed stuck in a depression for over a year. There were times I was thankful and thought about my O Positive blood donor, the doctors and nurses that worked on me but never really thought about person. They had lives too, they seen trauma everyday and still had to go home not knowing if the person they were helping made it through the night. Not knowing if the person used their second chance to continue on the road that lead them where they were or if they had the courage to change. Can you even imagine working to save a mother of 5 children, one who was a newborn and another physically disabled? They worked so hard that day to make sure I was alive to be a mother to my children, a wife to my husband and a life changer to my world. The events in our lives can make us bitter or they can impact our lives in such a way that we do all we can to make sure no one ever has to experience the pain we felt. 

    When I started the Blue Slide Project (a wheelchair accessible playground at Parkside Elementary in Grants Pass, Or) I started coming back to life, I was still held back by my layers but had a spark of hope. I was leaving my house to go to meetings, forming friendships and volunteering in my community. I seen that although the world was dark and hateful, there were those who were trying to “overcome evil with good”(Romans 12:21). I met some really great people and have formed bonds that could not have formed without the tragedy’s in my life. When my brother passed away, I took one step back and felt like I was slipping again. I remember my husband telling me, “I know how much your brother meant to you, but you have a family that needs you to get better”. I was angry at first because he didn’t understand my pain, but it was those words that helped me get to where I am today. I woke up one day shortly after that talk and decided I can not let obesity take my life. 

    Last night when I talked to the nurse I had the opportunity to see how valuable my life was to strangers, how much they didn’t give up on me and how even to the point of death I was still “fighting”. After the doctors had done all they could to save my life, they informed my husband that they did not expect me to make it through the night. She told me how 3 nurses gathered in the hall after working on me for about an hour and prayed that my fate would not be death. The next day she peaked her head in the door to see that I had survived the night, and that is one of the things I remember as I was slipping in and out of consciousness.  We both stood their sobbing, and I began to thank her for what she did and for being a life saver. Of course her response was, “the doctors saved you, I didn’t”. My reply was simple, “yes, but you prayed”. So why would I ever give up on my life? Why should I ever feel like my work here is in vain? I won’t anymore, I cried all the way home thanking God for sparing my life and for a second chance. I was brought back to do good works and change the lives of my family and those around me. Although I am not perfect, and often make mistakes, I told God I would do my best from this day forward to be the light and carry hope.


    Here is a picture I was always ashamed of, every time I saw it I seen trauma I never seen a miracle although I knew there was one there. I remember that day, and days after, it was such a dark and lonely time because no one was able to convince me that my life was a miracle. I have a scar on my neck from the picc line in my jugular vein and was angry every time I saw it. Now its a reminder of hope and I will no longer be ashamed of my scar but celebrate in all I have overcome. I don’t want to sound boastful I am just so grateful that God is faithful to his word. When He says, “To all who mourn in Israel, he will give a crown of beauty for ashes, a joyous blessing instead of mourning, festive praise instead of despair. In their righteousness, they will be like great oaks that the LORD has planted for his own glory.” Isaiah 61:3 All Glory to God who saved me by his grace and gave me hope through all my beautiful tragedy’s, 


    This was the day before I left the hospital, can you see the picc line in my jugular vein?

    Please if you are reading this, don’t let a tragedy wake you up, don’t let pain be what motivates you to change your eating habits or the things in your life that hold you back. I know a lot of this is repeats from previous blogs but I really want you to understand how much freedom I have received by letting things go. For Christ died so we could live, He carried our sin and shame on the cross so we could have freedom. The greatest beautiful tragedy of all time…

    Be blessed,








    My current before and after, a 151 pound loss in a little over 1 year.

  • My Birthday Wish…

    7 Sep

    On September 8, 2010 shortly after the birth of my princess Abigail, the doctors informed my husband that I was not expected to make it through the night. After a routine C-Section I had suffered massive hemorrhaging from my uterus, for about an hour the doctors performed CPR trying to save me. I had lost so much blood that my heart stopped at three different times, but they kept working to keep me alive. An emergency D&C was performed but was unsuccessful,they went and ask John permission to give me a hysterectomy, John said, “do what you have to do to save my wife”. They performed the hysterectamy, but by this time my heart became weak, after I was stable they did a ultrasound of my heart and found some abnormalities. Now I thank God I was able to recover but at the time I did not see the blessing and miracle that was given to me.

    After all I had experienced throughout my life, this event threw me over the edge I struggled with my purpose and was very angry that God would spare my life to bring me back to an unjust world. It took me about a year to fully understand that I was brought back to change my world. When you are given a second chance to live life to the fullest you don’t waste it. I started volunteer work and found my purpose was to make the life of at least one person a little easier. I know that I can’t change the entire world but I can help change the world of the people around me.

    Abigail was born on my birthday and for me it is a true celebration of life, my life that was spared and her life that is just getting started. I pray Abigail will find her purpose early on and that she will live her life to the fullest and never stops chasing her dreams. I want to be a good example for her and the rest of my children, I want to teach them to always look for the good in people and to never let your situation in life define who you are, to work at anything they do with all their heart and whatever they decide to be, that they be the best at it!

    So this leads me to my birthday wish, my wish today is that you always look for the good in people and never let your situation in life define who you are, work hard at anything you do and what ever you are be the best at it! This year instead of Birthday wishes on my facebook wall or phone calls, I want you to write on my wall the good deed you did for the day or call me to let me know. This year and every year on my birthday to celebrate my life I want you to volunteer to help a struggling organization or help a family in need (who ever you help is cool to me). I love all my friends and family, I am very blessed to have such amazing support.This next year I have my own things that I am working towards, and I promise what I asked of you I will do the same.

    Be blessed:)