If you talk to me for any length of time, gratitude is a topic I often bring up. Living with depression, I never want to forget the deep pit of hopelessness & despair or how long it took me to climb out. Since reading the Seven Decisions by Andy Andrews, I realize that happiness is in fact a choice. When I’m faced with choosing how I feel, I always want to choose gratitude and look for the silver lining in every situation. I know that won’t always be the case, it’s easy to choose joy when life is going your way & the sun is shining. What happens when tragedy strikes or you’re hit with the unexpected? Choosing gratitude is challenging. Then there’s grief, when grief and gratitude wrestle, the heart leaps and breaks simultaneously. I have gratitude for restoration, yet broken after losing what was just found.
As the clock ticks, I am waiting for the “phone call”, fighting thoughts & holding my breath. The most valuable commodity we have is time, we can not reuse it but we can count on 24 hours each day until we expire. At the same time, it’s not something that is guaranteed and once it’s spent, it can not be taken back. If we don’t understand the value of time we foolishly waste it on things like bitterness, resentment, jealousy, unforgiveness, or waiting.
Most recently my mind became so overwhelmed with a feeling of loss that I was flirting with the dark places instead of acknowledging my grief. Last night my anguish was so thick, I climbed in bed and cried myself to sleep. I suddenly woke up, I felt something deep within scream, get up! Choose joy, choose to cherish the moment you have now. Why are you so concerned with the amount of time you have left? Get up and live!
The dark feeling of depression will always want to make an appearance, pushing grief to the side without ever being acknowledged.
Don’t mistake the two.
Grief is meant to be felt, it’s ok to feel sadness or want things to be different.
Staying in sadness is a choice!
Choosing to stay in sadness gives root to depression and once depression has roots, each day becomes heavier than the day before. Finding the strength to climb out of the pit of hopelessness and despair is painful but not impossible.
Wrestle with your grief, feel the pain, put one foot in front of the other, do what must be done to get to the other side. Some tragedies are harder than others to weather alone, you must keep on keepin’ on. Get up and live!
Choose gratitude, gratitude always wins!
Real Mom of 5 