How – Real Mom of 5

“How can we sing the songs of the Lord while in a foreign land? For the Israelites, clinging to the memory of Jerusalem was all that was left, the good, the bad & the ugly. They hung up their harps in what seemed to be a protest as their captures demanded songs of joy(Psalm 137).

They wept instead.

By the rivers of Babylon, they wept.

I could feel the heaviness in this Psalm as I face my own captivity while remembering the places of prosperity, hope, despair & pain. The ease of my daily activities has slipped from my hands as I gaze at my promise while hanging up my harp. I ask the same question, how can I sing in this foreign land?

Heavy, so heavy. In the pit but not as deep, I question my position. I can’t be here, I can not forget my own Jerusalem. As I open my mouth to sing I am restrained by my surroundings, with nothing to grasp to I panic, as the promise fades.

I weep.

In this pit of despair, I weep.

Although the things I am facing are hard, my mind wants to create a pit for me as comfort. If I can escape the reality of my life I don’t have to face my deep feelings of sadness, I can hang up my harp, sit in disobedience, and have fellowship with the things that torment me. My hope is through sharing my raw feelings of hopelessness I can bring awareness to the very real bondage of our minds. Having lived through some very dark times, my mind often finds comfort in the pit.

It’s easier for me to fall into my comforts rather than push through the magnitude of what I perceive as loss. The same force that caused me to fall could be what picks me up depending on my thoughts. Never in my life would I think I would be where I am at this very moment because my thoughts were always on the mountain(or in Jerusalem). But in this foreign land? The mountain seems so far away and the promise is but a flicker. The snowball continues as I sit back and let the enemy rob me of joy and the testimony of God’s goodness.

That’s until I read Psalm 138

Summarized “I will praise you, Lord, with all my heart(1)…may they sing of the ways of the Lord, for the glory of the Lord is great(5)…Though I was in the midst of trouble, you preserve my life…with your right hand, you save me(7).”

The scriptures are so important to read, not only on the mountaintop but in the valley where our character & endurance are tested and we are to put into practice the things we learned up until this point. Hope in the valley is trusting the promise that was received on the mountain. God, give me the endurance to continue on my journey as I cling to hope and my promise. Clear my mind and align my thought with yours, to the God “who leads his people through the wilderness(psalm 136:16)” and remembers us in our “low estate(23)”. I WILL “give thanks to the God of the heavens, His love endures forever!(26)”

How can I sing the songs of the Lord while in a foreign Land?

I sing to break the chains of the enemy, as I lift the Lord on high & give thanks he will strengthen & equip me for the journey. As the pain flows, in my deep despair He is binding my wounds through every song of praise I choose. Let me never forget the places you brought me from, let me never forget your love in this valley. Help me to remember your promises as I seek your face in this dry land. If I forget, “may my right hand forget its skill. May my tongue cling to the roof of my mouth if I do not remember you, if I do not consider Jerusalem my highest joy. (Psalm 137:5-6)”

At the end of the day, it’s a choice!

Growing up with a parent who struggled with mental illness and battling my own depression, I say this with love. I know it’s hard, but the choice to stay down is up to you.

Have your moment where you hang up your harp because the fact you didn’t send it down the river means you have a shimmer of hope. That is all that is needed to get to the other side.

This is but a season, don’t let the temporary captivity be the reality you speak.

Let’s get through this together!

Sacrificial Growth

Growth is painful y’all!

Knowing I should not be where I am is excruciating, the pull from the next dimension is likened to the north and south poles of a magnet. The more I try to walk away, the pull draws me back to the place of action. Taking the next step past the point of no return requires trust, but I question, ”are these my thoughts or is it the very voice of God calling me?” Chaos erupts & confusion swarms my mind, body and soul. Knowing my actions affect so many, make inactivity seem like the most logical choice.

Logical.

When I was called from darkness I never worried about logic, I trusted God was moving me. Now that I am comfortable in the stability I’ve always desired, he says move. God, I’ll go to the hard places but I need to know this is you and not my own need & desire for change. The uncomfortableness forges it’s way through every part of my being. Everywhere I go, I see the stability of sameness is destroying my growth and the beauty of all the pain.

Higher than I’ve ever been but in the wrong place is not growth, it’s comfort. This place served as a foundation but it was never meant to be where I stay. It was never meant for me to carry to the place he has prepared for me. He lifts me from where I am, placing me on a foundation that has already been built before me (Psalm 40).

Disrupt everything God!

Disrupt everything that is not where it is suppose to be so that I may grow in the place you’ve prepared. I’ve learned so much about myself in this place, yet I know there is more to uncover.

Who? What? Where? When? HOW?

I know you have the answers to all my questions, so when I noticed a change in a plant I just transplanted I knew you were speaking to me.

The succulent pictured below was in the cutest pot, surrounded with succulent friends and it seemed to be happy. I planted last spring, offering new soil, water, & nutrients yet there was little growth.

I got the idea to transplant my friend to a new pot knowing there was a chance the plant wouldn’t survive. Transplant shock is a real thing, a plant can die even if the environment is right. I broke away the comforts of the soil, cleaned the roots & changed the environment to hopefully give my friend the push needed to reach her full potential. Within two weeks I’ve already noticed new growth breaking through the comforts of what was already established. The new growth is brighter, needing the nutrients from the roots already formed, growing together with the foundation.

We need the knowledge from the foundation but movement is required to reach our full potential. Reaching for the promise requires us to let go of ideas and exchange what we see for what is on the other side of the promise.

Friends, I’m not sure who needs this word more but I wanted to share what was placed on my heart these past few weeks. Growing requires sacrifice & exchange.

Be encouraged my friends.

Mo:)