If at first you don’t succeed…

As you know, my son Isaac had surgery two days before Christmas, we left on Sunday night (the 21st) and came home Christmas eve, just in time to enjoy my family. While I was gone, it was easy for me to say no to temptation because I was so determined not to let stress get the best of me. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed a few bites of fudge and a sip of Isaac’s hot chocolate but I left feeling accomplished. It was a totally different story when I got home, I made Christmas breakfast (French Toast), I usually make myself an omelet or oatmeal, but this time I ate what everyone else ate. For dinner I made a ham with all the usual sides, I did watch my portion size but had tons of starches. Later I ate a piece of Cinnamon roll, but with all the sugar and starches I had already consumed, I knew it was time to throw in sugar and carb towel.

The next day I woke up with the biggest headache and I felt super tired, my goal for the new year is to cut back on sugar and bread. Those two items make me feel yuck and I just don’t want to do that to myself anymore. During the detox I felt amazing and I am not sure why I let them back in my life, but I did and now I face the consequences. I decided to write this blog because I know that if I woke up to a sugar overdose, someone else did too. I know from past experience that as women we are so critical of ourselves, I know that we show other people grace but forget to show it to ourselves. The words to Aaliyah’s song, “Try again” popped in my head, I hope I can encourage every person who reads this, “if at first you don’t succeed, dust yourself off and try again”.

The good news is, tomorrow is a new day. The holiday’s might have bitten you in the butt, but that doesn’t mean you have to throw all your hard work away. Don’t let the guilt of eating off plan one day (two, three or four) cause you fall deeper in the hole. This is not a game to just quit, this journey has a restart button. Brush yourself off and move forward, why? Because your life is worth saving.

Mona

But first, let me take a selfie…

I have a feeling that my friends might be getting annoyed with all my Facebook and Instagram selfies, but before you hid my post let me explain (I say this because of recent comments made to me). For as long as I can remember, I have never liked taking pictures and have felt insecure about my body and looks. One might mistake my confidence now with conceit, but that is not the case. When I look in the mirror, I don’t always see what everyone else sees, it has gotten better over time but insecurity likes to creep its ugly head back in my life. I am human and often mistakes, I am super hard on myself, but I always strive to be better than the person I was the day before. My selfies remind me daily how far I have come, and I look at the only picture I do have of my previous self as reminders of where I do not want to be.

This journey is a struggle, even in maintenance I have had binging episodes, I understand that I will always have a food addiction and I have truly accepted it. What helps me is that I show myself grace daily, dust myself off and start over with the next meal. To be honest, being a wellness consultant I often feel like a hypocrite because I still struggle, but when I think about it, it makes me more relatable. Like I mentioned in a previous post, I had gained 10-13 pounds depending on the day, I let negative self talk keep me from staying where I wanted to be. I am still learning to continue to use my struggles as a learning lesson not as an excuse to stay defeated. I am putting good thing in my body and have completely changed my lifestyle. So even though I have the fear of gaining, I have total trust in myself and the process that I will not let it hold me back from life.

My encouragement to you is to always tell yourself good things. Believe in yourself enough that you never give up, and take lots of selfies!!!

After dropping 4 pant sizes.

When I first started walking.

Almost to my goal weight

Just because:)

Feeling beautiful with my little girl:)

the new well detox

After prepping for the new well detox on Sunday, I realized that this was just what I needed to get my mind focused. I have been enjoying treats more than I should have and really have been lazy when it comes to moderation. I have recently told myself that I refuse to spend the rest of my life in weight loss. Since reaching my goal, I have been enjoying new foods and I realized that even though a burger sounds good, its not what my body wants. I really don’t care for sweets, unless it’s ice cream and my crack food of choice is chips and if there is hummus in the house, for get it! So I would have this gain on the weekend because I am either eating a bigger serving than I should or eating things not so great for me. Like I said before, maintenance is difficult but I am determined to find a balance, because I don’t want to spend the rest of my life in weight loss and I never want to be over 300 pounds.

Day one of the detox was good, only a slight headache not sure if its from caffeine withdrawals or from a concussion (I tripped over Isaac’s wheelchair and hit my head pretty hard), also you can have unlimited of certain food so I didn’t feel hungry. Today is November the 11th and I am on day two, I have added the metabolic reboot shake to my diet and supplements. So far so good, I will give you my honest opinion about this detox. I hate it when people recommend things they have not even tried, since I work at the new well, it was hard for me to recommend that my clients try this detox because I had not tried it. I will put a link below with some more information and if you have any questions don’t hesitate to post in the comment section.

Mona

http://weightlossgrantspass.com/is-your-body-in-need-of-detoxification/

Just like him…

Addictions are a beast!!!

I was watching a video about military men returning home, the surprised look on their loved ones face as they seen their soldier for the first time gave me memories of when my dad would return home. Although as children we were told our dad was in the “military” or “on vacation”, in reality he was in a half way house, rehab or prison. As I struggle with addiction myself, and mess up on daily basis, I think of my dad. I am not sure if it was because his birthday recently passed or because sometimes I just feel completely alone as my extended family is a bit of a mess.

I think about how much he might have wanted to be there for me, or keep his promises about doing good this time because he found Jesus. I think about that one last high or drink of his that kept him from me. I am not bitter towards him, I just really wish he knew that I completely forgave him and I wish he could see the woman I have become. There was a family prophecy that all Larry’s kids would end up in gangs, in prison or dead. Even though I had a rough start in life, I have completely changed the way I think and how I feel about my purpose. One of the things he always told me was, “mija, you need to lose weight because I don’t want you to get the diabetes” (adding the in front of diabetes always made me laugh). Just like him, I didn’t know how to beat my addiction, just like him, no matter how many times I tried I always let myself down, just like him, I let the guilt and shame of my past control my future and control who I was meant to be.

If you are reading this and struggle with any type of addiction, you are not alone. It is so important for me to tell you that if you feel you have tried for the last time, try again. Know that your life is precious, and no matter what people say to you, your life is worth saving. I say this all the time and it is so true, this journey is tough, the first step is the hardest, but the end result is definitely worth it! I had to let this out, sometimes things are heavy on my mind and I have to write or I feel like I have missed an opportunity to help someone. Never stop trying, always strive to be better than you were the day before and keep on keepin on:)

Mona

*if you ever have any question, please don’t hesitate to write me a note

Living.in.the.real.world…

I am so sorry I have been MIA, the only excuses I have are that I have 5 kids, started a weight loss competition, broke ground for the Blue Slide Project and started a new job (sense the sarcasm? ). On top of that, I am just living life and I am very blessed that I am healthy and on the right path. When I first went into the maintenance phase of my journey I was so terrified to add new things to my diet for fear of gaining weight. I am very thankful for all the support I received, not only from my friends and family but the businesses in the community that partnered with me. To have everyone in my corner even after the weight was lost is amazing. I am not sure how long it would have taken me to trust myself had I not had them. A huge shout out to the Women’s Health Center and the new well for continuing to believe in my success  when I wasn’t able to. Setting the healthy habits along the way have really helped when I become stressed or overwhelmed. In the past I would have definitely turned to food when faced with obstacles. Living in the real world is hard and the easy thing to do is make excuses, but I am confident I have made life long changes. Not only for myself, but for my children and husband, who by the way has lost almost 80 pounds and still going strong. 

I plan on giving back to my community and have decided to take a job at the new well, as a Wellness Consultant. I can see great opportunity to help empower women who have huge giants to conquer. I am excited for this new chapter in my life, and never imagined when I started my journey that I would be here. I am so thankful to God, who has help me create my support system and has never left my side. 

I will end with this, when you are in the valley and see you have a big mountain to climb it is helpful to look back every now and then to see how far you have come. Not to look in the past and dwell on the bad, but looking at the little progress that was made. When your feet are tired and you are not sure how you will continue, look back again and you will see you are higher than you were before and it will give you hope that change is happening. When you are almost to the end, look at your finish line, don’t look back any more just run. By now you are strong, you have changed, you believe you are able to reach the top because now your end is right in front of you. Looking back now will be pointless, you will see no change just flat land. When you reach the top, stand tall and look at your obstacles as steps to get to the top.Be proud of how far you have come and celebrate in your new confidence. Do not let people tell you what you can do, that is up to you to decide. remember, anything is possible!

This is on top of Lower Table Rock, in Oregon.

 

Mona

Psalm 23
Psalm of David.

1 The Lord is my shepherd;
    I have all that I need.
2 He lets me rest in green meadows;
    he leads me beside peaceful streams.
3     He renews my strength.
He guides me along right paths,
    bringing honor to his name.
4 Even when I walk
    through the darkest valley,[a]
I will not be afraid,
    for you are close beside me.
Your rod and your staff
    protect and comfort me.
5 You prepare a feast for me
    in the presence of my enemies.
You honor me by anointing my head with oil.
    My cup overflows with blessings.
6 Surely your goodness and unfailing love will pursue me
    all the days of my life,
and I will live in the house of theLord
    forever.

Checking in…

Life is so crazy busy!! I just wanted to check in and let you all know how I am doing on maintenance. I have struggled to get to the gym and my weekly visits with the New Well. Our PTA has several events planned and with construction of the Blue Slide Project fast approaching my time is being consumed. I have been walking, but a recent Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS) flare up has left me a bit inactive. At first I was terrified of maintenance and was telling myself that I couldn’t do it. The ladies at the New Well have been a great support and I was reassured that I can kick butt at this too. A friend and I talked recently how we both know how to gain and lose weight but have never been at a place where we had to maintain. I am at that place and I have the choice to blow it all or keep fighting to save my life. If you know me at all, you know that I am not a quitter. I mess up and I am not perfect, but I will always get up and try again.

As far as the CFS goes, the only thing that can really help is staying moderately active. When your body hurts to the touch and you have dizziness, confusion and a massive headache its kind of hard, but not impossible. I was a bit angry that after all my hard work that I still have something trying to hold me back. Ugh! Since I can’t change it, just like my food addiction I can learn to live with it. On a positive note, when I was morbidly obese my flare ups would last about a month, I would feel better maybe a week and have another one.

Overall I am doing great, I have still have so much to tell you but time is not on my side. Thank you all so much for following my journey, it means a lot to me:)

Mona

10 pound challenge

I have been really reflecting on this past year and I can’t help but be proud of myself. I knew when I did the Blue Slide 35 mile walk I was going to conquer giants. I remember my friend Marti stopping to walk with me briefly my last ten miles. I cried in her arms and thanked her for always being there for me and for her support. Of course I was delirious, I am assuming  from exhaustion. At that point we had been walking almost 14 or 15 hours. I  told her how my life flashed before my eyes and with each step I was conquering giants. Leaving behind my pain, disappointments, failures the things that were holding me back. You have to remember although you have let something go, you can still pick it back up and it can still keep you in bondage if you let it. I have literally conquered giants during my journey and I have no desire to look back or pick anything back up that I am not supposed to hold ( things listed above).

With that being said I have 7 pounds to my goal! 3 pounds ago I thought about doing a 10 pound challenge inspired by a friend but was too busy to post it. So here it is, I am asking you to be the Marti in my weight loss and finish this last 10 with me ( really 7, but 10 is a way better number because it’s even). Get your friends, families,  coworkers anyone involved. This has been a journey to save my life and finishing it with my my friends,family, people who have followed me from day one and even those new to my blog would be the best way to go out. You can post that you are joining and your progress on this blog entry or on facebook.com/savingmona. You set the end date, you chose your plan, you commit yourself to making the choice to save your life. I really do get so excited when someone makes a change for health. Obesity is taking too many people and we have the power to stop it! Be courageous and conquer your own giants,  that first step is the hardest but definitely worth it:)

Mona:)

Compulsion or Planned…

In the beginning of my journey weekends seemed to be the hardest. It’s the usual time for parties, BBQ’s and get togethers. Although I can’t say that I have mastered the weekend I used these tools to help me. So as we face yet another weekend ask yourself these two questions,  is this a compulsion? Compulsion- an irresistible urge to behave in a certain way, esp. against one’s conscious wishes. Or is this a planned meal? Planned- .
decide on and arrange in advance.

Compulsions usually lead to guilt, it kind of makes you feel like you have failed in some way. For me, if I planned a day that I knew I was going to eat extra calories, in my mind I have accepted the consequences. Let’s be real, you can not go off plan all weekend and expect a huge loss the next week. Accept the choices you made and move on.

That compulsion part of you is beatable,  just say no! If its with a unhealthy snack I say “you dont need it” out loud it is more powerful and I listen to myself. Drink water and walk away,  gum also helps.

Don’t let food run your weekend,  be in control of your eating. After all that is really the only thing we have control of in life.

Be encouraged,

Mona

The Scale Does NOT Define Me…

Today is my weigh in for a weight-loss challenge that I am organizing (not to be confused with my Tuesday weight in at the Women’s Health Center), and I was up .8 oz from last week, but I have to tell you that the way I feel does not reflect the number on the scale. This past week I was able to do 100 squats with 20 pound weights, 100 bicep curls, Zumba, swimming and the list goes on. I am physically fit, living my life and I feel great!! I am at a point in my journey where I don’t depend on the scale to tell me that I am doing well. For example,  I bought  size medium leggings and a skirt too small on purpose so I could work my way into fitting in them( with the money I won from my last weight loss challenge). Last week they were too tight and yesterday I rocked my outfit, I loved the way I looked and I felt amazing. But the scale said I was heavier? So what? I know the workouts I did this week built muscle, I know since my pants are looser that I am losing inches, so I took what I knew and celebrated in all my victories.

 As women we are so critical of ourselves and I am learning to appreciate all that I have done for my health. I have spent the past year eating healthy and working towards what I thought was a number. So not the case, I have gained confidence in myself, I have changed my lifestyle and I learned that if I put my mind to doing something that anything is possible. Don’t get me wrong when you are over 300 pounds the scale becomes something you depend on because outwardly you see no difference. Honestly after I had lost 50 pounds is when I started to see a change. 

My friends, the scale will only be your buddy for so long, then you have to learn to be your own buddy and your own encouragement. Like I said in a previous blog, if you are chasing a number you will be chasing it for the rest of your life! Seek health and wellness be proud of your victories big or small and know that if you put your mind to it, ANYTHING is possible. Losing weight is such a roller coaster, having a food addiction is tough but choosing to make the right choices each day will get you to where you want to be. Your addiction to food does not have to be what ultimately takes your life, food addiction can be beaten and I am living proof. Be encouraged today!

Have a awesome weekend,  Love yourself enough to make the changes you need towards health. You can do it!!

Mona

P.S. My honey is taking me out for Valentine’s Day, I know we are going to see a movie not sure what else, so excited!!!

Why not?

The why’s of this world will weigh us down and break our spirit. Why did they do that? Why did this happen? Why can’t I lose weight? Why is that person so successful and I am not? Why, why, WHY?! Ask yourself a new why, why not me? Why not today? Why not now?!!!

Sometimes we focus on someone else’s journey that we leave ours unwritten. Today tell yourself “why not me?” The cares and worries of this world hold us back from who we are meant to be. Live in freedom, be the person God created you to be aim high and don’t look back at the person you said goodbye to. My journey to health came as a result of a tragedy,  that tragedy saved my life.

Today I choose freedom,  today I choose health,  today I choose to save my life. Use your choices wisely:)

Happy Wednesday, 

Mona